My Brain Hurts

Bill Simmons, in his blog dated March 27, wrote, "By the way, I made up the nickname "CHB" for Shaughnessy in 2001 -- happened right after Carl Everett derisively referred to him as the "Curly Haired Boyfriend." It remains one of my top 20 career achievements."

If you don't know the story, basically, Shaughnessy, who has a history of being confrontational toward certain players, was feuding with the volatile Carl Everrett. During an interview with another reporter Everett asked the reporter where his "Curly haired boyfriend" (Shaughnessy) was. Simmons then took Everett's quote and started referring to Shaughnessy as CHB. That is of the top 20 career achievements of Bill Simmons.

I hate to harp on this but here's another quote from Simmons, this time from his blog dated March 29:

"Like it or not, Mayo's style of game resonates with a certain demographic, with his final high school dunk symbolizing the divide between traditional fans and the budding generation that was weaned on Slam Magazine and me-first "superstars" like Stephon Marbury and Vince Carter (neither of whom has played on a 50-win NBA team, by the way). Head over to YouTube and you'll find an unedited clip of the dunk that makes Mayo look like an attention-seeking punk, as well as a heavily edited clip of the same dunk that lionizes it. Is it alarming that a 19-year-old kid throwing himself a halfcourt alley-oop in the final minute of a 40-point win, dunking it, tossing the ball into the stands and getting thrown out of his final high school game, then soaking in a standing ovation could be considered a beautiful moment by some people? Probably not. That's just our culture now."

I might be reading through the lines here, but I tend to think that Simmons falls on the side of OJ Mayo being an "attention-seeking punk." I'm postulating this based mostly on the fact that the title of the blog was, "Down with OJ Mayo." Then Simmons also posted that letter saying that Mayo needs pity becuase the controversial dunk was the highlight of his life. Now Simmons did not say that, but I don't think it's a ridiculous leap to contend that Simmons tacitly agrees.

So to recap, Simmons disparages an 18 year old kid for being attention-seeking, but praises himself for the fact that he contracted a nickname Carl Everret came up with about a Boston sportswriter into three letters. Absolutely nothing attention-seeking about that. Nothing

Loosely borrowing from a McSweeney's idea: If Bill Simmons' writing were a Greek myth it would be Jason and the Argh-onauts

Saturn's Rationale

photo from:http://www.astro.ucla.edu/~colbert/saturn.jpg

I cheated on a test once. In second grade we were taking a spelling test and I blanked on the word picnic(you'll have to trust me that I just looked that up). Frantic that this misspelled word would jeopardize any chance of future happiness, and more importantly, a weekend slumber party at the only kid in the class with a Nintendo's house, I dropped my pencil, bent over to pick it up, and flipped through my spelling book. Having retrieved my pencil, I correctly spelt the word and turned in my test. In the end I did what I thought I had to do

I'm troubled by the steroid stories. Sometimes I'm surprised when i hear a new player's name, other times it's really not surprising, "You mean the muscular, mecurial relief pitcher who threw 100 mph was on steroids?" But most times I just don't understand. Why is this a big story? What do people hope is accomplished?

Isn't this Hester Prine revisted? Gary Matthews: S. Sammy Sosa: S. David Bell: S. Rafael Palmerio: S. The story radiates the familiar stench of grandstanding. Journalists are able to stand atop Moral Mount, looking down and castigate any player who is alleged to have used performance enhancers. Then on the 15th and 30th of each month, they cash their check, profiting on the story. With the public's interest perked, and their attention directed, the politicians decry the practice of steroids. Their faces are on Sportscenter. Their speeches transcribed on Espn.com. They now reach a larger audience then just the insomniacs who watch CSPAN at 3:12 am. They are giving a free pass as far as antiquated healthcare and dilapidated public schools in the name of the Commerce Clause.

In the wake of steroid accusations, the cries of "Asterix! Asterix!" echo from the rafters. Steroids have desecrated the game. Baseball thrives on nostalagia. A father takes a son to a game, describes to him, inning by inning, the first game that his father took him to, he then explains that his son will one day of a child, and his son will take that child to the game. The beauty about nostalagia, especially as it relates to baseball, is that you only have to remember the good. Therefore when we hear the stories of the past, we hear about the herculaen feats of Babe Ruth, the grace of Dimaggio, the tragedy of Mantle, the transient flicker of Munson. We don't have to hear about the womanizing of Ruth, or the callousness of Dimaggio or the demons of Mantle. Nostalgia allows us to remember Enos Slaughter's mad dash from first to home in the World Series, but nostalgia permits us to forget he refused to play on the same field (not team) as Jackie Robinson. Those issues are easy though, "It was another time." Oh, yes, another time...

He only did what he had to do. It was illegal. It was shady. It preyed on people's desire to sanctify athletes. But he did what he had to do. I have never really seen athletes as "human" until the steroids controversy. Don't we all want to be remembered? Don't we all want to be honored in some capacity? I remember a line from Mos Def, "I give a damn if any fan recall my legacy/I'm trying to live life in the sight of God's memory." I was always impressed by that, gained as much respect as one can for a person they have never met. And in an ideal world, that would be the way we carry ourselves. But in a world where we desire instant gratification and beyond this moment is unknown...well... We work hard, we think we deserve more than we have, we see others pass us by and we do what we have to do.